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Rambling Bi-Polar Rant the 2nd:

Getting creepy, creativity.

Creativity is an amazing thing; but fleeting and mercurial, just like the fairies my daughter is enthralled with.  Beautiful, dazzling, mysterious and frustrating.  Unhealthy, terrifying, fascinating and solitary.

People are always selling the idea that people with mental illness are suffering, not to say it isn't true because some of the most creative people suffer greatly and pass from this world from it. 

But I think madness can be an escape, an trek into the unknown that allows us freedom of mental movement unfound by most humans.  But those movements, the escapes are, sometimes...horrifying.

So what happens when you have that creativity, but along with it are the shadows that eat you when you're asleep?
The stuff that makes your blood thrum within your nightmares that jerk you awake at the witching hour.  Where the darkness has shadows of its own, and no matter how many lights you turn on, there just isn't enough light until the sun has kissed your skin.

Or say, the fleeting glance of something darting past your vision.  It might have been a ghost, I've always told myself that, sometimes it's my deceased cat, sometimes departed family.  Sometimes, the shadows pass so quickly you have the vague impression of something unsettling; other things, bugs, there are lots of bugs in this nightmare world of not-quite-vision.  The voices heard when no one is there, your name called when no one else is in the house with you.  Cthulhu fthagn-heh just kidding.

Sort of..

That odd presence in the backs of your mind that gives you the right stuff to bring your gifts to others.  Gives you a lot of other undesirable presents as well. 

When the thoughts don't seem like they are truly yours.  When the waves of fear skitters across the back of your throat and bathes your tongue in bile.  When the shiver isn't from the cold but from that, other, thing you feel.

Where can you go.

Where can you go.

Devious Comments

Prophetella Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
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Come talk to me... I wrote Demon in the Sewers because of a possession and heavy metal/ lack of gut flora inflicted Bipolar Dx and serious insomnia issue with Mania.

 It talked to me only twice and i told it the words I had heard were not my own- Get out of my head! i heard it walk from my mind and slam the door. Over time i realized that doctors would not solve the issue so I looked for my own resolutions-- I have them posted in the Robin Williams tribute fic call i created. I now sleep like a baby and am free of that thing.

Please come talk to me.
katstories Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2014
Demon in the Sewers is just mind boggling; it's such a great screwing with your head story.
I get that way a lot, where it's more "fun" to write the horrible dark things lurking in my skull.
There isn't a lot of fluff, but it's nice when it does show up.
Rant 2 started out fun and then as I wrote it, and rewrote it, it simply built upon itself in that rolling dark journey.
I've learned to ignore the voices, but the visual things still sneak up, it's always bugs or bug like.
The medication works well, I'm one a few levels of getting the scripts right, and at least this variation of drugs doesn't steal my soul of writing and creativity.  But I do find problems focusing sometimes; as my writing can attest.  Scattered, all over the place.
I read your Robin Williams tribute, it spoke to me on many levels.
You know we all fell that at different points in our lives as we go through our manias.
I'm not suicidal anymore, which is great.
I'm also not violent anymore, which is also high on the perks list.
Though I watch my daughter and I see a lot of my bad habits starting to appear in her.  And I want to hope that it's just her growing bigger and going through the chemical changes of life and not the fucked up world that is my psychosis.   God help genetics.  See there I go again darkening.  I really need to start paying attention to what my mood really is when I start into my macabre phases, to see if it's highs or lows.  Or right now, just cranky as hell.
Thanks' for posting with me Prop, it's nice to know folks read some of the ranting, and are caring enjoy to want to get to know us better.
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