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Bi-Polar
3 min read
Deviation Actions
Thoughts on...well..the title speaks for itself.
I totally get where Raph comes from, I always have.
There are always the anger issues; because anger is the easiest face to show when things scare the shit out of you.
Laughing hysterically at sudden uncomfortable questions are not out of the question.
Anger is cold, calculating or volcanic hot.
The cold is more dangerous, the burn is slow, creeping out meticulously looking for a way to hurt the one that hurt you; possibly permanently.
Life exists between extremes of emotions, fears, paranoia, suicidal tenancies, hallucinations, self recriminations, self loathing.
Unending cycles; where life is occasionally suspended in bursts of raspberry soda pop that tickle and delight the nose or the throat clenching bile racing through your esophagus and strangling your brain in a moment of sheer unnecessary terror.
It's a pendulum that goes on and on, sometimes the swing is short, sometimes the swing is long; but it's always swinging.
Sometimes it feels like a freakin Newtons Cradle.
So there are masks put up, WALLS. Play keep-away with your emotions, bottled up so that no one can see the real you, just the one that needs to be out for people to deal with on a daily basis. Sometimes its the good face, most times it isn't. Fake faces.
You write things down because you can't remember them, because your brain flits from one fantasy to another, taking it on the chin when friends joke about early Alzheimer.
You don't drink, because drinking makes you morose or violent depending on the day; possibly suicidal if it's been particularity shitty. Remember down the lane, not across the street. Psychiatrists don't like that sort of talk.
You argue, for the sake of the argument. Maybe your wrong, you don't care, the fact that you could be yelling about the sky being blue is just another reason to yell. Because it feels good even though it shouldn't; hurting the people you care about isn't really something you're worrying about at that moment.
Meditation is something amazing, because who knew that staring at a candle flame could actually shut your mind up long enough to relax.
You try to behave, because repercussions about behavior anywhere, in front of friends; especially at work, would be tantamount just aiming the speeding car at tree and saying "fuck it".
Thoughts of being pulled aside and "talked to" make you want to vomit from the sheer amount of paranoid panic that's created.
Thoughts of being pulled aside and "talked to" make you want to vomit from the sheer amount of paranoid panic that's created.
You stay up late, sleep little, because your brain is a freakin IPod stuck on shuffle, that never runs out of batteries. The Internet is NOT my friend and Wikipedia is the Anti-Christ.
Medications leave you numb, hollow, imagination has died and been buried next to your self respect.
Medication can be a friend, once it's found it's stride. Oops, now your body is used to it, now its back to experimenting with your brain chemistry again. YEA.
You look for emotional thrills, half thought out jumps into the abyss.
Sometimes you come out unscathed, sometimes the ones that were with you bear the scars.
Sometimes you come out unscathed, sometimes the ones that were with you bear the scars.
MTAngeli's "To the Rescue" hit me hard on so many levels.
www.fanfiction.net/s/3637414/1…
www.fanfiction.net/s/3637414/1…
And I instantly knew what it was.
Because it's always there.
© 2014 - 2024 katstories
Comments2
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This was beautiful, poignant, and heartbreaking all at once. As someone with depression/anxiety disorder, I can totally relate. I do hope you write more on this subject, or anything at all really, because you absolutely get it. And that fic was awesome, as well. I remember stumbling upon that very picture quite some time ago while browsing DA and read the fic it was linked to, and I loved it then. I kinda feel like I came full circle now. 